Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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