It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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