my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize