Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
