Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
