Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
