A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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