you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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