i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
