I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
