i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
