you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sext me about skeletons
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
