Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
