dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
