do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
All I want is dick and wine.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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