We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
he had hair everywhere except his balls
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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