You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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