Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize