Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
