escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
