you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
