It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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