just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
