it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
