im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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