Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
