half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
