i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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