Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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