Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
