Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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