for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
