you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
