By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
