i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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