I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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