420 ftw
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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