Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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