i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize