i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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