Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
