dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I will pee on everything he values.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize