this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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