do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
