dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
