how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
