Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
