I'm really into asian looking animals
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize