mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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