he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
