it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
