2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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