i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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