I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
