Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
