Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
