Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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