Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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