god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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