So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
