Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I would fuck him just for his dog
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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