I hate all girls vehemently.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
