I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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