You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Every concussion has its silver lining
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
